so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
