How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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