dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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