who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
