once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
