Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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