I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
