He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize