Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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