he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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