You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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