So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
