We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize