Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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