i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
