Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
