is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
