Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
only you would photoshop your dick
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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