So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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