"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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