i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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