It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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