i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
