I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
