I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
