she woke up with a sticky ear
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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