I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
