Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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