I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
