You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
