God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
