I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize