I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
