i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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