8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
