I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she told me i tasted like america
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
