i may or may not be watching the land before time
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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