mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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