you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize