...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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