Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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