I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
