I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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