Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
