I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
