Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
