Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
