I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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