Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
