It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
