feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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