We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
