why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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