Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
