that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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