i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
