Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
His nipple licking is glorious
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