somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
