I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
