Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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