Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
