Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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