Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
