I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
