so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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