Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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