My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
