Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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